Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Drinking Problem.

This is my second blog so my first entry was going to be a brief history of my blogging experience. However, an incident occurred which screams to be told on the Internet so it will be the topic of my first blog entry here.

To begin with, I am a drinking man. Sometimes I drink heavily, perhaps too heavily. I am also single and very lonely. So, two days ago, I went to a bar for a few beers and some mindless company.

The bar that I went to is called The Antique Lady. The reason that I went to this bar is because it is located across the street from where I live (actually one block away) and is the only bar within walking distance. This is important because I do not drink and drive.

This bar is owned by a lady named Susie. Actually, the bar is leased by her son so she technically is not the owner. Now meet Loretta. Loretta is a petite little lady that is the main bartender at The Antique Lady. Loretta is a slut and often comes to work drunk or on drugs. She was under the influence when I walked into the bar.

This became immediately obvious to me as there was only on other person in the bar when I strolled in, an old man, and Loretta, sitting on the end of the bar beside him, continued to talk to him and did not serve me a beer. I finally got her attention and ordered a small draw. This cost me $1.50 so I gave her two $1 bills and told her to keep the change.

While I was drinking this, Loretta went into the storage closet that connects to one end of the bar and made a cellphone call. While I could not hear what the topic of the call was, it sounded argumentive. She talked and talked as I finished my beer and decided to get another one. She talked and talked and after 12 or 13 minutes, during which I considered leaving, I went to the door and said “Knock. Knock.” to get her attention. I ordered a pitcher so that I would not have to repeat this ordeal.

I drank this. I ordered another pitcher which I was about halfway through when Susie walked in, drunk, with a friend and sat down the bar from me. I decided to have one more (Remember, this is 3.2 beer.) and would then call it a night.

Now I must point out that Loretta had been fired by Suzie before and had been later hired back. Loretta has also thrown me out three times, once while she wasn’t even working but was sitting beside me drunk out of her mind. I have always been annoyed with Susie for hiring her back but I have never mentioned this to Susie.

So, I order my third pitcher, pay Loretta the $6 due, and wait for her to set it in front of me. Loretta says that I should tip her or she will not serve it to me. I tell her that I do not have to tip her and remind her that I tipped her on the first drink. She counters by telling me that if I do not tip her then she will pour the new pitcher into the old pitcher and serve it to me in the old pitcher. Being somewhat groggy from the last pitcher I tell her I don’t care.

Loretta then pours the new, cold, pitcher into the old, warm, pitcher and it turns straight to foam. The foam overflows the old pitcher. It goes all over the bar and drowns my pack of cigarettes. It flows over the edge of the bar and into my lap and begins to drown me. I say, “What the fuck?’ and stand up.

About this time, Suzie realizes that something is going on and says, “Loretta, what are you doing down there?” I am leaving by now and look Suzie in the eye as I pass her and say, “Fuck you, Suzie.”

Now I am trying to decide if I should apologize to Suzie, since she was right there and Loretta was caught red-handed though I was too drunk and furious to realize it, and explain things to her or if I should just give my liver a break.


Blogger Mexigogue said...

You should put on an Addidas jogging suit and wear a giant clock around your neck and go hang out at a hip-hop bar.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Citizen Quasar said...

There's not one within my stumble zone. Besides, I already need glasses. I don't want to go deaf too.

7:03 AM  

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